“The last sentence is where the truth comes home to roost: We must believe that parenting is the most rewarding, the hardest, and the most important thing we will ever do. Because if we don’t believe it, then the diaper changing, the mind-numbing Dora watching, the puke cleaning, and the “complete self-sacrifice” that we’re “locked in for life to” is all for nothing. We must believe it because the truth is just too damn depressing.”
cuz then you come over here, where you have another white woman being all, mothering isn’t that hard! (and woah, if your list of “hard” shit is focusing on diaper changing and dora, you are but a wee lass on the mine laden yellow brick mommy road), it’s not the greatest thing you’ll ever do! etc—
and you have to really ask the question: what does it mean to have a white woman say that mothering isn’t all that big of a deal, when a woman who typically should’ve been *taking care of white woman’s babies* is positioned in a more powerful place than white woman, based not just on her ability to *have* babies, but on her ability to be a *mother*?
what does it mean that when a black woman reaches the “top” position the nation/state offers women based on their mothering—white women as a whole are like, well, it’s no big deal to be a mother and we need to stop making it the most important thing!
there are different manifestations of white supremacist heteropatriarchy. just like living in “good neighborhoods” is not an “unearned privilege” but a manifestation of white supremacist heteropatriarchy (good neighborhoods didn’t happen by accident, they happened through the process of segregation), white women got to their relative positions of power through their relationship with white supremacist heteropatriarchy as most strictly enforced through motherhood.
that is: “good neighborhoods” get white folks certain benefits. “good mommy” gets white women certain benefits—and you don’t HAVE to be a mom to actually get those benefits.
and to be clear. this isn’t solely about or even *primarily* about those benefits (or privilege)—this is about the structure we operate under that segregates good mommies from mamas, mamaz, m/others, mamis—that makes it seem ok and natural that there are some “good mommies” that deserve ***lots of resources*** (and that it’s a tragedy when they don’t get it), and then there’s all the rest of us who never should’ve “had kids” to begin with and are actively *DENIED* resources (which includes anything from freedom to good schools) *based* on our mothering and our ability to be mothers.(via mmmightymightypeople)