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Esoterica

stfurapeculture

[TW: Rape culture] Suit: nursing home supervisor fired for reporting sexual assault of patient

stfurapeculture:

champagnesafari:

karnythia:

sweetsweetsweetdivinething:

stfurapeculture:

A former Orland Park nursing home employee is suing her old employer, alleging she was wrongly fired for reporting to police in 2011 that a male co-worker sexually assaulted a 93-year-old patient.

Former night shift nursing supervisor Rosemary Braderic is seeking $30,000 compensation from Lexington Healthcare Center under Illinois’ whistle blower protection law, according to a suit filed Friday in Cook County Circuit Court.

Rape culture. Not only does no one care about rape, but you will get fired if you care about it.

Ageism and rape culture are inextricably linked. Just look at the way women in nursing homes are treated, ESPECIALLY if they have Alzheimer’s. And ESPECIALLY if a man with Alzheimer’s is the one assaulting them. Literally none of the staff at the nursing home will give a fuck.

Tell me again rape is about clothes or location & I’ll slap you.

As someone who has worked in nursing homes the amount of sexual abuse occurring caretaker-to-patient and patient-to-patient was horrifying. There were multiple instances of both of those types and while they were ‘investigated’ there were never any repercussions for the perpetrators.

In one case a resident accused one of the employees of abusing her, and there was pretty undeniable proof that she had been sexually abused, but they couldn’t prove it was him so…nothing was done about it. This particular employer, had been accused of similar abuse at 2 other homes, by the way. Her family ended up transferring her to another home.That employee quit soon after and now works at another nursing home.

 I hate to be negative, but there are fucking predators in this industry and you can never ask too many questions about the ALFs/SNFs/Hospice care/etc you are considering for your loved ones. If you can afford to (financially and emotionally) care for your own, please do so. If it isn’t an option please try to visit frequently to see how they are doing, OK?

Reblogging again for the commentary at the end.

(via womanistgamergirl)

sarabenincasa

Read This If Your Holiday Sucks and Your Family Stresses You Out

moniquill:

nailthatsticksup:

sarabenincasa:

Stop.

Take a moment.

Breathe.

This holiday, too, shall pass.

Love,

Sara

P.S. You are not your weight, your age, the amount of money you make, or the car you drive. You are not your job or your lack of a job. You are not your father’s idea of you, or your mother’s, or your grandmother’s, or your great-aunt’s. You are not the person you were in high school and you are not the person you will be at the end of your life. You are not your failed relationships, your addictions, your public and private pain. You are infinite and beautiful and it is impossible for any one person to see or appreciate your totality. Know that you have more potential for goodness and love in the cuticle of your pinky fingernail than your family bully, abuser, naysayer or shit-talker has in their entire person. You are different. You are special. You are not your abuser and you are not your abuse. You are not your scars. You have a soul. I don’t know if God is real, but I know you are real, and this world is better for it.

Happy Christmas.



Also, you are not your lack of relationship or lack of interest/current interest (depending on your sexuality) in a partner of the gender your heteronormative relatives would prefer. You are not your assigned pronouns and birth name. You are not the perceptions people have of you based on how you look.

Also, if you’ve accumulated enough personal agency that you’re able to live apart from the people who hurt you and stress you out, you are not obligated to go and be among them ‘because it’s the holidays’ or for any other reason. You do not owe these people your presence or your attention. It’s ok to walk away.

survivorrat
pixelcycle:

survivorrat:

It is not “such a shame” that I’m not close to my family.

My family is not something I want to be close to. 

pixelcycle:

survivorrat:

It is not “such a shame” that I’m not close to my family.

My family is not something I want to be close to. 

(via moniquill)

[content: abuse] That awesome moment

girljanitor:

karnythia:

girljanitor:

biyuti:

genderbitch:

crackerhell:

holybat:

linguist-love:

When  you start really appreciating your parents after the rebellious teenage years.

My process with them has been the opposite of this. I still love them of course, but. Disappointment :/

lol i wasn’t rebellious until i hit 19-20 because that’s around the time i realized i was being abused

and now i hate them more than ever

so

u tried

That awkward moment when linguist-love forgets that abusive, shitty, bigoted or etc crap parents exist in this reality, where we all live.

ugh. falling into this trap got me to waste 6 years of my life pretending like my parents weren’t shitty and abusive and, thus, giving them 6 additional years to abuse me and basically entirley ruin what little self esteem getting kicked out my house at 17 gained me.

I honestly find myself very concerned every time I see another article or media mention of how kids are having a harder and harder time moving out of the family home due to economic circumstances.

Like, when I was 16 my mom handed my keys (so to speak) to my adult boyfriend and was like, “ok, your problem now!” And sure all I had to eat was like ramen and $1 frozen dinners because we were living in a walled-off den in someone house and there was no kitchen. And it was an utterly abusive situation but I still have to say it was *probably* better than what was going on at home at that point…

Like, do I love and appreciate my mom? Yeah, I do. Did she fuck up about as much as a human being CAN fuck up and utterly fail as a mother? Yeah, she did. Does she know and admit she did? Yes. Is she still paying for it? Yes.

Like, sometimes you *can* move past these things or at least build a new relationship on the ashes of the old one, especially if there was something there before shit went south. But like….I really resent this idea that my problems were due to “rebelliousness”. A lot of people tried to say that about me, but it was really obvious to anyone who has a split second of empathy that what was going on was lightyears different than any kind of stupid sitcom bullshit.

Can I ask why everyone decided to make this person’s post about their life a soap box for people who have been abused by their parents? Because I don’t deal with my parents at all, but I know that other people have positive interactions with their families & I don’t begrudge them that or their right to talk about having a healthy family dynamic. Are we just derailing people’s posts for the hell of it today? Or what?

So many people who grew up in abusive situations have had “rebellious teenager” crap used against them used to silence them, used to cover up extreme amounts of abuse. The amount of pain and work and verbal exorcisms that went into being able to have a relationship with my mother as an adult after what went down is like….indescribable.

I’m not begrudging anyone’s right to talk about their good home life or their relationship with their parents, but I think for some people including me the wording of the OP rubbed some wounds. OP has since posted that they are cool with the people talking on their thread. Maybe that’s the difference between people whose parents didn’t abuse them and people who has a good home life; it’s nice to see when someone can understand other people’s shit even when they haven’t personally been through it themselves…sometimes it just comes boiling out.

I have had it used against me in the past. It was one of my mother’s favorite lines. But I have to say as a mom of a teenager? Sometimes kids do dumb things that they’ll regret when they’re older. Maybe this is because I’ve been on both sides of the situation, but I read it the OP as someone having a good personal moment & writing about it. Nothing else. I know that things come boiling out, but people are going hard at the OP in some of these reblogs like this was a personal attack on them & frankly that’s just not fair to the OP.

(via a-spoon-is-born)

[content: abuse] That awesome moment

girljanitor:

biyuti:

genderbitch:

crackerhell:

holybat:

linguist-love:

When  you start really appreciating your parents after the rebellious teenage years.

My process with them has been the opposite of this. I still love them of course, but. Disappointment :/

lol i wasn’t rebellious until i hit 19-20 because that’s around the time i realized i was being abused

and now i hate them more than ever

so

u tried

That awkward moment when linguist-love forgets that abusive, shitty, bigoted or etc crap parents exist in this reality, where we all live.

ugh. falling into this trap got me to waste 6 years of my life pretending like my parents weren’t shitty and abusive and, thus, giving them 6 additional years to abuse me and basically entirley ruin what little self esteem getting kicked out my house at 17 gained me.

I honestly find myself very concerned every time I see another article or media mention of how kids are having a harder and harder time moving out of the family home due to economic circumstances.

Like, when I was 16 my mom handed my keys (so to speak) to my adult boyfriend and was like, “ok, your problem now!” And sure all I had to eat was like ramen and $1 frozen dinners because we were living in a walled-off den in someone house and there was no kitchen. And it was an utterly abusive situation but I still have to say it was *probably* better than what was going on at home at that point…

Like, do I love and appreciate my mom? Yeah, I do. Did she fuck up about as much as a human being CAN fuck up and utterly fail as a mother? Yeah, she did. Does she know and admit she did? Yes. Is she still paying for it? Yes.

Like, sometimes you *can* move past these things or at least build a new relationship on the ashes of the old one, especially if there was something there before shit went south. But like….I really resent this idea that my problems were due to “rebelliousness”. A lot of people tried to say that about me, but it was really obvious to anyone who has a split second of empathy that what was going on was lightyears different than any kind of stupid sitcom bullshit.

Can I ask why everyone decided to make this person’s post about their life a soap box for people who have been abused by their parents? Because I don’t deal with my parents at all, but I know that other people have positive interactions with their families & I don’t begrudge them that or their right to talk about having a healthy family dynamic. Are we just derailing people’s posts for the hell of it today? Or what?

(via b-binaohan-deactivated20140530)

austriantimes.at

Circus Orphanage [Austrian Times]

deluxvivens:

golden-zephyr:

German social workers are under fire after it was discovered that two years ago they had put a nine-year-old boy into a travelling circus.

And it has now been revealed that other children have also been placed in other circuses as well as riding schools, farms and even in one case a travelling stunt show.

The boy, identified in German media only by his first name Jeremie, is now aged 11 and the scandal came to light when he was reported as missing by Circus Monaco staff.

In addition, allegations have now emerged in German media that the boy, who was from a gypsy family, had been used as slave labour by circus management and also been forced to beg.

The boy has now been missing for six days after he was last seen climbing into a white Mercedes transporter van at Luebtheen in Germany. The van was then discovered 70 miles away in Hamburg.

The boys carer at the circus Carmen Sperlich, 45, who has seven children of her own, denied the allegations that the boy had been forced to beg - and had been used as slave labour. She said that he had liked to dress up as a clown and had hopes of becoming a fire breather - but was too young to get the training at the moment.

When shown a video of him breathing fire she said: “He did not learn that here.”

She added: “He was happy here. He used to call me mum.”

As well as the reports that the boy had been used for begging in German media it was also claimed that he had been put in the circus because he came from a gypsy family.

Rudko Kawczynski, who is chairman of the Roma and Sinti Union Hamburg, said he was furious about the move, saying: “We really hope that his background was not the reason he ended up in the circus, while he was there it really ground him down, it was verging on torture.”

The allegations the boy was placed with the circus because of his background were rejected by social worker spokesman Andy Grote, 44, who said: “The family background of the boy did not play any role in the choice of where he was placed. We have carers on farms, riding schools and indeed in other circuses as well as a travelling stunt show. Generally the project works well - the children get lessons by computer.”

Jeremie grew up with his parents Rosita and Bruno because of his mother and his father’s drugs problem. In the meantime both are now clean - and want their son back.

The grandfather told local media: “Jeremie often called me in tears because of the conditions he was experiencing there. He was having to sleep in an unheated caravan. It was inhuman.”

[Austrian Times]

unbelievable.

(via deluxvivens-deactivated20130417)

keepyourbsoutofmyuterus
They found that a year after the event, the women who were turned away from an abortion were more likely to rely on government assistance, more likely to be living beneath the poverty line, and less likely to have a full-time job than the women in the study who had obtained abortions. They also registered more anxiety a week after they were denied an abortion and reported more stress a year out. They were no more or less likely to be depressed. And women who gave birth suffered from more serious health complications—from hemorrhaging to a fractured pelvis—than the women who aborted, even later in their pregnancies.

Happy home lives also failed to materialize. The women who were turned away were more than twice as likely to be a victim of domestic violence as those who were able to abort. The researchers found that “a year after being denied an abortion, 7 percent reported an incident of domestic violence in the last six months,” compared to 3 percent of the women who received abortions. The researchers concluded that this “wasn’t because the turnaways were more likely to get into abusive relationships,” but that “getting abortions allowed women to get out of such relationships more easily.” Carrying an unwanted pregnancy to term helped abusive men stay in these women’s lives, but it didn’t encourage delinquent new dads to stick around: The researchers found that “men were no more likely to live with a turnaway who’d borne their children than they were to live with a woman who had an abortion.”

The abortion debate often focuses on a woman’s health during those first nine months. This study shows that an unwanted pregnancy can have long-lasting effects on a woman’s body and well-being far after she carries it to term.

Amanda Hess writing at Slate about ANSIRH’s Turnaway Study. For more, io9’s write up and the Global Turnaway Study’s Facebook page.

[NB: More people than just cis women need and want access to abortion care.]

(via keepyourbsoutofmyuterus)

(via thunderwishes)

alternet.org
(That the incest portion of this position has gotten little attention is even more troubling: Should an 11-year-old-girl really be required to bear her father a child?)

Why Mandatory ‘Rape Babies’ Are the GOP’s New Normal | Alternet

I wish that this would be talked about more—because people cast aside the idea that a huge amount of people could be getting abortions because of rape—but in all reality, with most rape, the rapist is well known which stands to reason that the majority of people getting abortions because of rape are dealing with incest (or spousal violence).

if we admit that incest is a huge fucking problem, then we’d have to admit that rape is a huge fucking problem. and it makes me mad that not only is the abortion “debate” so heavily influenced by the far right rhetoric—but that discussions on rape are ALSO being subtly influenced by them as well, whether it’s shutting down any discussion at all on rape (i.e. the “method of conception doesn’t matter” tactic) or the casting aside of the idea that incest matters is any part of the discussion at all….

this is not a “debate” between the “good” rape victim and the bad one—this is a covering up of the reality of rape especially as connected to the “family” unit and the ‘solution” to the problems of the world as presented by the christian far right…

(via illegalmmm)

(via hamburgerjack-deactivated201404)

redlightpolitics

I have kept my mouth shut all these months out of fear of retribution but I no longer have this fear so I am going to go ahead and ask this. Schwyzer states:

But this notion of “making room” in the blogosphere is based on a faulty premise of scarcity.

If that is indeed the case, then I have to ask: why then did Schwyzer attempt to have me removed from certain feminist spaces when I vehemently wrote against him? If indeed there is no scarcity, then why attempt have ME (a Latina feminist blogger) removed and publicly scolded, all done through backchannels hoping these maneuvers would not get back at me? why try to execute some character assassination to silence me against his obvious racism and sketchy politics?

I cannot be the first one (or last one) over whom he attempted these dirty tactics. But I no longer believe it is fair that I have to remain silent about it because otherwise I’d been seen as a trouble maker. I am a Latina, South American feminist. I AM A TROUBLE MAKER. I believe no other kind of feminism is possible. Schwyzer tried to have me silenced. I am setting the record straight.

The comment I left on this piece on xoJane. Nine Questions for The Controversial Hugo Schwyzer | xoJane (via redlightpolitics)

You know, I think that the abusive things Hugo did how ever many fucking years ago are entirely worth barring him from feminism forever. I think his idea that feminists don’t get a say in that — or that only the feminists he LIKES get a say in that — is 100% bullshit. I think that yes, there are some things that you can do that disqualify you from certain spaces forever, or certainly can disqualify you from certain spaces forever, if the occupants of those spaces deem fit.

If “all” Hugo did was try to murder his ex and probably rape a woman a long time ago, I’m cool with him fucking off into a very deep pit and never returning. That, alone, is in my view enough for him to never be qualified to write another word about feminism, let alone from the purported stance of an “ally.”

I just want to be clear on that.

While also stating that the concept, as phrased in the xojane article that Flavia is responding to, that “most of the controversy” surrounding Hugo concerns what he unaccountably refers to as his “pre-sobriety past” is WILLFULLY ignorant and purposely misleading and actively playing into his hand and his victim complex.

And there is no way to get a pass on that. There is no “ignorance” excuse, because if you can’t do the research, you shouldn’t get to write the fucking article.

Because yeah, the shit he did before disqualifies him as “a voice of feminism.” But so does his CURRENT and ACTIVE racism and misogyny. Which is well fucking documented. Everyone on Hugo’s side treats this as “people who are willing to forgive bad things done a long, long time ago by a totally different person!” versus “people who are unwilling to forgive ever, no matter how long ago it was.” But this is about a whole lot fucking more than “a long time ago.” This is about his ENTIRE “feminist” career. This is about his REPEATED and BLATANT racism. This is about his bullying, both open and covert. This is about his manipulation, and his abusive grooming of feminist writers. This is about his consistent insistence on white-knighting for white women, being openly hateful towards women of color, and generally behaving in a condescending manner regarding all women he speaks to and all issues he speaks on that don’t even fucking concern him.

If Hugo is dead to you, personally, based on what he did a supposedly long, long time ago, more power to you. I’m with you, quite honestly — I don’t need anything else. But there’s more. There’s a LOT more. And to the folks who keep insisting on the idea that what happened over a decade ago is ALL this is about? A BIG HEARTY FUCK YOU.

(via thecurvature)

Co-signing the above, in full.  The way he uses the term “pre-sobriety past” is, in itself, a glaring, blaring alarm bell for me. He is trying to attach this behaviour to a spectre, manipulating collectively held ideas about addiction that is exploitative and also beside the point. I don’t give a fuck how many drugs he was on when he tried to murder his ex. HE TRIED TO MURDER HIS EX. 

Also, pretty sure the enabling of his female students to get drunk, drug-fucked and then have sex with them occurred in his “post-sobriety present”. 

(via everythingbutharleyquinn)

(via blue-author)

darkjez

PUA: abusive and bullshit

sourcedumal:

bankuei:

sourcedumal:

danyphantomzone:

darkjez:

“It’s astounding that anyone would care about what women think on this subject. Pick Up Artistry is for men who have a hard time getting a girl to even look at them, let alone date, sleep with, or marry them. Alternatives to PUA — always offered up by women who have absolutely no clue why men turn to PUA to begin with — are ludicrously simplistic, not to mention ineffective. Suggestions such as, ‘Say hi, smile, treat her like a human being,’ aren’t gonna do much for a guy who can barely get a girl to give him the time of day. Personally, I think PUA tactics are pathetic rather than offensive. But it isn’t a crime to be pathetic. Women who don’t like it should be happy they don’t have to deal with the agony of this kind of invisibility, where you might go years, even decades, without a girl bothering to give you a second glance to your ‘hi’ and your’ most charming smile.”

Comment from some dude on on Why Are Women So Negative About the “Pickup Artist” Community?

Like, wow. Just WOOOOOOOOOOOOOW.

I love how so many men expect to be able to blatantly showcase their complete disregard for the humanity of women & then turn right around and feel entitled to our sympathies (not to mention sex & affection). It really does piss off ya’ll men that you hate women so fucking much butstill need us, regardless. Jfc ya’ll are so fucking pathetic sometimes…

Where’s one of those glittery “Misandrist fo lyfe” gifs when you need one?

Though I’ve made a personal choice to never, ever adopt PUA stuff… (at least not intentionally. Thing is, once you understand the principles of WHY it works… it becomes a part of you, and all that’s left is specific application.)
Someone’s going to have to tell me how this indicates any “entitlement.”
Really, one just gives an accurate description of how many feel in such a way that lays bare ones insecurities…. then we think we’re “entitled to sympathy.”

Unless one’s using deceit, trickery, or preying on people’s weaknesses to emotionally coerce someone… I really don’t understand how it’s applicable.

ALL HUMAN INTERACTION IS MANIPULATION.

Say what?

It’s entitlement because dude literally just said “Women don’t ever have insecurities about dating or get rejected EVER so shut up about this because treating you like an object is expected of you anyway!!!”

The men who do this shit are the same mofos who whinge about the ‘friend zone’ and suffer from ‘Nice Guy Syndrome,’ claiming that all women want are jerks instead of the ‘nice guys’ like they are, then get mad when pussy doesn’t automatically present itself to them just because they showed basic human decency.

Please.

“Thing is, once you understand the principles of WHY it works… it becomes a part of you, and all that’s left is specific application.”

Pick up artistry works the same way abusers, manipulators, and brainwashing works.  You dislodge someone from their comfort zone, push them to high stress, and get them to internalize the fucked up messages you want them to accept.

1. Distraction so someone’s guard is down.

This ranges from unusual helpfulness, an incongruous statement, something that throws someone for a loop.  On the more violent scale, this is actual abuse, crowding someone so they don’t have time to think, sleep deprivation, etc.  This ramps up their adrenaline and messes with judgement.

2. Quick shift to a reasonable/helpful/nice position

Now you become the good guy.  You weren’t trying to hurt them, you’re trying to HELP them.  Why are they so upset?  

The nice position then works with the adrenaline rush the person just got - as a strong emotion, what they accept becomes very hardwired in the brain.  Often simply reducing the attack is considered “helpful and good” even though, as Malcolm X pointed out - stabbing someone with a knife and pulling it out halfway isn’t really doing good.

In normal situations, many people assume a room for miscommunication/misunderstanding, so they immediately assume they must have misunderstood what you just did.  This also sets them up in questioning their own perception and further drops their guards.   It also allows predators to figure out which people will be susceptible to further abuse.

3. Constantly shifting back and forth between those two stances

Rationalize the abuse, how it’s always the victim “causing” it, get them to cut off any other support people they have, outright lie about what they’ve said or done so they doubt their own memory, and then when you’re in good mood, always lay on the message you’re trying to instill.

This is what abusers and torturers do.  If you feel this is the path to a healthy relationship, or that all of human relationships need to work on this basis, you’re an abuser.  

The principles are the same between the manipulative friend or partner who doesn’t lay hands on you to the waterboarding interrogator who cuts fingers off people.

Consent does not involve lying.  Consent does not involve insulting the person to ramp up their adrenaline and conditioning them like a lab rat.  Consent doesn’t involve believing that the only functional way to deal with people is to abuse them.

Pick Up Artistry IS how pimps work.  Go read some Iceberg Slim.  It’s exactly the same shit.  And if you believe the only way to interact with women is sexual slavery?

Fuck entitled.  You’re a predator.

And folks advocate that shit for men to start relationships?

Hell to the no.

(via deliciouskaek)