“Nobody has the right to turn out and tell me that I can’t wear a certain outfit, that I can’t go out to a certain place because I would be safer, or because a man looks at me…”
I love Priyanka Chopra.
Why are you walking about naked in the first place? That just seems rather unsuitable regardless of gender.
it doesn’t matter if she’s naked. that shouldn’t even be a question.
The bolded is a primary example of rape culture.
Why the fuck does it matter? That’s a moot point, dumbass. Her point is even if she decides to walk outside bare-assed naked as the day she was born, that gives no one the right to touch her body without her express permission. That gives no one the right to objectify her. And most of all, it gives no one the right to VIOLATE HER IN THE WORST FUCKING WAY.
Why should we be held accountable for someone else’s sickness? It’s not our fault we were raped, it’s their fucking fault for raping. Why would excuse a rapist simply because his/her victim was dressed a certain way, or happened to be alone? Any excuse for the offending party is just as bad as being the offending party.
We live in a society that blames women for being naked under their clothes if they’re raped. That’s how much rapists & their apologists have twisted reality.
In Vietnam, the U.S Military Command made rape ‘socially acceptable’ in fact, it was unwritten, but clear policy. When GIs were encouraged to rape Vietnamese women and girls (and they were sometimes advised to “search” women “with their penises”) a weapon of mass political terrorism was forged. Since the Vietnamese women were distinguished by their heroic contributions to their people’s liberation struggle, the military retaliation specifically suited for them was rape. While women were hardly immune to the violence inflicted on men, they were especially singled out as victims of terrorism by a sexist military force governed by the principle that was exclusively a man’s affair.
“I saw one case where a woman was shot by a sniper, one of our snipers” a GI said.
“When we got up to her she was asking for water. And the lieutenant said to kill her. So he ripped her clothes, they stabbed her in both breasts, they spread her eagle and shoved an E tool (entrenching) up her vagina. And then they took that out and used a tree limb and she was shot”
In the same way that rape was an institutionalized ingredient of aggression carried out against the Vietnamese people, designed to intimidate and terrorize the women, slave owners encouraged the terroristic use of rape to put Black women in their place. If Black women had achieved a sense of their own strength and a strong urge to resist, the violent sexual assaults —so the slaveholders might have reasoned— would remind the women of their essential and inalterable femaleness. In the male supremacist vision of the period, this meant passivity, acquiescence and weakness.”
Women, Race & Class (1981)- Angela Davis (via malditafeminista)
So I’ve been doing some stats research on the rate of sexual assault for young black women & I almost want to ask if any of us made it to 24 without being abused in some way, but I think I’m afraid of the answer. I always say that most women have a story even if they rationalize it as “Not really rape”, but now I’m feeling like every black American woman has a story by 30.
This right here is why I am kind of like I willd o cultural shit at large but large scale lets end rape movements that dont admit and highlight that beinga WOC but ESPECIALLY a Black woman or Native woman means you have a chance of assault that is in the high 80’s
Is someone colluding with rape.
If you’re issue with That show about a whole bunch of women who were approached BEFORE or just after the age of consent
is not hwo is a culture supporting the predation and victim blaming of our girls but hwobad it makes you look to your industry friends?
You collude with our rape.
And frankly we to busy trying to stay alive than to help you feel good a bout being a do nothing.
Isn’t the stat like 1 in 5 or 6 Black women will be sexually assaulted or abused at some point in my life. I have 5 sisters. That is all I think whenever I hear that shit.
side note the willingness to allow Black women to talk about how sexual violence has shaped their self-perception and self-esteem is one of the reasons that I really like Tricia Rose’s anthology Naked. when it was recommended to me that was a comment that someone made, ‘watch out because it talks about rape a lot’. not as a trigger warning but as like, mayne this book would have been better if they didn’t put all that dark shit in it. but then—as the numbers show—it wouldn’t have been the reality of Black women’s lives either.
whenever i think about this stuff I also think about how rare it is for me to have discussions with Black women I know in real life, hell Black women in my family about sexual violence. we don’t share that.
Actually the stat is more like 2 in 3 if you include childhood sexual abuse. I always find it interesting how rare it is to include children in those statistics & by interesting I mean horrifying.
I have no idea if anyone is actually interested in this, but here we go.
I’m an African-American female who was born and raised in Steubenville, OH. I graduated from Steubenville High School. I’ve spent my life in this town and know what it’s like to be here. It’s a little, sleepy, town that was once known as ‘Little Chicago’ because of its mafia ties and corruption. But more on that in a bit. It’s a small town with a great love of football and proud of it. Football, here, is a life-or-death thing - you think towns like that only exist in film, but that’s not true. Here, it’s a way of life. For a lot of players, it’s a way out of a small, boring, lifeless town that doesn’t have much going for it. Same for the girls who cheer for them or the members of the band who play at their games - everything connects back to football and sports and that’s what people here love. Professional too, of course, but people love the Mighty Mighty Big Red – Steubenville High School and my alma mater.
I want to talk about this a little.
The violations started small. I was 12, fairly tall with brand new boobs. My mother wouldn’t let me buy “real bras” for a long time. It didn’t occur to me that was weird until boys in my class started advising me to “stop wearing sports bras” because I was looking a little “saggy.”
It was a boy who told me I had to start shaving my legs if I wanted anyone to ever like me. I said that wasn’t true. He laughed in my face and called me a dyke.
That night after shaving, my mother asked me why I was so vain.
They started finding reasons to touch me, pinching my butt, snapping my new “real bras,” (“They look a lot better. Did you stuff?”) or straight-up grabbing my breasts. Dropped pencils with awkward leanovers. Staged run-ins.
One time, a popular boy I knew who lived on my street forced his way into my living room while my parents were still working and fought with me over a remote control so that he could cop a feel. I didn’t say anything. Speaking up was not an option—rather, an easy road to being even more ostracized and labelled “crazy.” Besides, who would believe that he’d wanted to touch me?
They named girls one by one, by the flaws of our bodies. What they considered theirs. They would write them on chalkboards to taunt us. Draw crude pictures.
If we showed it hurt us, it only got worse. I would cry in the bathroom and hope for some serious illness to keep me out of school, if only for a day.
When I kissed one boy, he encouraged me to do the same with his friends. Not because he thought I might want to, but because I was a toy he wanted to share. An experience he wanted to give his less “successful” friends. For them, a celebration. For me, certain social suicide.
Even if I wanted it, there was never any winning.
I will never forget how excited I was to be invited to watch a movie with the popular boy I liked. I primped for hours. (I was, after all, a teenager grappling with my own new sexuality.) When I got there, he did not put on the movie we agreed to watch, but a porn film. I had never seen one before. He unzipped his pants, pushed and pulled at me. I cried the whole walk home.
They could pinpoint weaknesses. Worse, they knew they were wrong but there were just never any consequences. They knew this—treating us like objects there for them—was what was expected of them.
I want to say that they stop. But the truth is that some never do.
I have never stopped being reminded of my there-for-men status. I am reminded when I am violated in my sleep, or groped in a bar, or held down by a longtime friend. I am reminded when I refuse conversation with a strange man and he spits in my direction, or calls me a “bitch.” I am reminded when I am asked why I wore such a pretty dress if I wasn’t trying to “pick up.” I am reminded when I am told to be less angry and more agreeable. I am reminded when I talk about my lived experience and am told to “stop being so negative about everything.” I am reminded when young girls are bullied so severely by men who wanted to see their bodies that they commit suicide.
We don’t talk honestly enough about what it’s like being a teen girl. If we did talk about it, what it was like for us, perhaps we wouldn’t be so harsh on them. Perhaps we wouldn’t throw our hands up in the air and exclaim “oh, teen girls, they’re so difficult!” Perhaps they wouldn’t be so scary. Perhaps we’d see their lives for the small and large violations they’re often made up of; and what those violations do.
Perhaps we would have been less surprised today when we learned that a fifteen-year-old boy was arrested on the scene of a sexual assault, in connection with a series of sexual assaults occurring in the Bloor and Christie area of Toronto. Perhaps we would be less shocked by the fact that it’s 12-17 year old boys who are the most likely to commit sexual assault (Statistics Canada, pg. 13). That is, after all, what they were doing to me.
My stories are not uncommon. They’re more common than we want to think. As my friend Panic said: “Ask anyone who is or has been a teenaged girl. 15-yr-old boys assaulting women is common. It’s ‘normal.’” It’s so normal, in fact, that we don’t talk about it until we’re women and we know it doesn’t have to be.
Pretty much everything in North American culture tells men and boys that women and girls are there for them. So please, do us some favours. Stop telling us that we have to take self defence. Stop telling us we shouldn’t drink or go out at night or on dates. Stop telling us that we need to be prepared for whatever “boys-be-boys” violations come our ways, because it’s bullshit. We don’t have to accept this or carry it around in silence.
Start talking with men and boys about the messages they’re getting about women and girls. Tell them that they are not entitled to our bodies, no matter what. Talk to them honestly and comprehensively about sexualization and objectification. Stop being afraid to talk about boundaries, sex, and pleasure—leaving that to schools, the Internet, and peers is simply not cutting it. Show them what consent really looks like.
And this sounds basic, but remind them that we’re, you know, people? We deserve at least that much.
Addendum: Thank you + notes
bolded is from me
This is rape culture in action. He was afraid he’d try to have an affair with her so he fired her instead of getting his shit together. And the court (all male) cosigned him blaming her for being in her body & not taking any responsibility for his actions. His wife & his pastor were on board with this shit too. Amazing.
Apparently being ‘Too hot’ can now get you fired
I talked about this with someone. Honestly, it’s not about women being dangerous or even him having an affair. It’s about temptation and attraction to someone outside of your marriage whom you spend a lot of time with. The best case scenario would have been if he had tried taking a leave of absence, hiring a surrogate, and getting therapy, but all of those things cost a lot of money.
It’s a crappy situation, but this was the only outcome most people would have gone for.
This isn’t rape culture.
This has nothing to do with the guy thinking he can’t control himself because the woman is too hot or whatever.
It’s him wanting to divorce himself from unhealthy desires.
And yes, it’s easy to disparage him for that.
But how many times have you pushed someone away because you knew it was bad for you to be attracted to them, because you were in a relationship or for other reasons? Yes, being unable to resist doing this might mean he’s not the best employer, but he can learn and grow.
As I said, the surrogate and therapy would be ideal, but I don’t think it’s totally evil that it turned out the way it did. It’s muddier water than people give it credit for, and can people please stop making things that don’t have anything to do with the theory of rape culture somehow connect with it?
That is not the issue here.
It really bugs me how people always rephrase something, like if a man had an irrational fear of assaulting a particular woman and got a restraining order, people would say that was rape culture because it’s making it seem like women are asking for assault. (which it’s not. you just said it is.)
If men are afraid of crossing boundaries, it’s because they’ve been beaten over the head with those boundaries their whole lives. So much of what is called rape culture is basically ANTI rape culture, but twisted to seem evil.
He’s attracted to her & punishes her for it & you want to claim that’s not rape culture? Farreal? Jesus take the wheel, I can’t drive & shoot at the same time. Gee, losing her livelihood was a way better solution than him manning the fuck up & not sexually harassing her right? How about no, now kindly keep this creep shit rape apologia logic off my posts.
wtf are you making me look at?
The dumbest motherfucker on Tumblr. At least that’s my take on it. Who knew sexually harassing a long time employee & then putting them out of work when your wife found out was a good idea & totally okay but absolutely not rape culture in action?