thelittlekneesofbees, dionthesocialist and inlovewithrobertsheehan present: “So, You Decided to be Black.”
So, you decided to be Black. All you had to do was click a button with your pale ass fingers and vavoom! Youz a negro! Now you can derail every argument!
Welcome to the land of being a niggeaux!
Here are some steps to start living your real nigga life.
You can never go back to being white. (We lost a lot of you niggeauxs with that one, huh?) Realize that if you aren’t in Africa(and sometime, even there), whenever you hear an adjective, people aren’t automatically talking about you.
Oh, but don’t worry, white people, like your former self will GLADLY point that shit out for you on a daily. Are you gay? No, you’re a black gay/gay black person.(And people will always forget you can be both) Are you selfish? No, you are a selfish black person.(And people will never forget you can be both) Oh, be sure to notice how people say, ‘black’ with disgust when this happens.
Since you started off White, you are going to be a dark skinned Black person to truly lose any color privilege. So, don’t bother watching TV because you’ll hardly ever find yourself there. Your hair, consider it nonexistent. You’re an alien to White people now, they don’t know how to really deal with ‘your type.’ You’ll be rejected from salons and told to get rid of the way your hair grew out of your head permanently.
Stop talking to family and friends. Chances are, if you only pretend to be a niggeaux online. Mufuckas must hate us around your parts.
Now that you have no family or friend, at least you have your identity right? Woah! You were planning on being an individual? Stop right there. From now on, whatever you wear, read, watch, and eat is no longer your own business, but is subject to the scrutiny of every person you know. Listen to rap? You’re a stereotype. Don’t listen to rap? You’re a race traitor. Wear Jordans? You’re too black. Wear Vans? You’re not black enough. Eat chicken? You suck. Don’t eat chicken? You suck. And don’t bother looking for any kind of perfect medium for this, cause it don’t exist.
This is a starting list for all anons who want to hide behind a face of an identity that isn’t yours. Collect yourselves.