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Esoterica

girljanitor

[TW: medical abuse]I was born with a Blue Spot. Here is the story of what it is, and how a white man stole it.

girljanitor:

The only time I ever met me father was an hour after I was born. He took one look at me and said, “this is my child.” When my mother and her family wondered how he was so certain, he showed them my Blue Spot. All of his family had been born with Blue Spots; some of my mother’s family knew of them because of Roma heritage, but I only child in at least a generation who’d been born with one.

Also, my Spot was permanent like my father’s. When I turned 12 and the Spot stayed, my mom told me the full story of my heritage and who my father had been, what he was like, and how they had met.

In my 20’s I went to a white dermatologist for an unrelated reason, and he completely flipped out over my Spot. He was utterly convinced it was some kind of skin cancer. I explained to him over and over what it was and why it was there; I’d seen a Chinese dermatologist in my childhood and an Indian dermatologist in my teens; none of them had even bothered to mention the spot other than to comment that it was there, and permanent (unlike some congenital Blue Spots that fade away with age.)

This white guy threatened and browbeat me until i finally agreed to let him biopsy it. I made him promise that he wouldn’t take it, I kept telling him that I liked my Spot, it was important to me. He really was saying to me that if I didn’t let him do this I would die. He promised that the biopsy would only take a tiny piece of skin, and it wouldn’t make any difference in its appearance.

When I got home and took the bandage off, I saw two stitches holding together the wound where my Blue Spot had been.

I cried and wouldn’t get out of bed for days.

As time passed, i noticed the skin around the scar was showing blue where the redness was fading. As more time passed, the blue color spread out more and now I have an irregular scar on my lower back that is surrounded by a blue color.

All I have of my father is one blurry photo and my scarred Blue Spot.

It is a reminder to me that white people will always try to steal my heritage and who I am.

It is a reminder that no matter how hard they try, they can never take it away from me.

(via strugglingtobeheard)

Let those bully boys walk behind me in the playground. Let them tell me ‘You’re a darkie. Faith’s a darkie.’ I am the granddaughter of Grace and William Campbell. I am the great-grandchild of Cecilia Hilton. I am descended from Katherine whose mother was a slave. I am the cousin of Afria. I am the niece of Coral Thompson and the daughter of Wade and Mildred Jackson. Let them say what they like. Because I am the bastard child of Empire and I will have my day.

Andrea Levy, Fruit of the Lemon.  (via leonineantiheroine)

(via leonineantiheroine-deactivated2)