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Esoterica

realsocialskills

Social skill: a list of some questions that might be unwelcome

spastasmagoria:

realsocialskills:

Here are some examples:

As a follow-up to the last post, here are some personal questions that are particularly likely to be unwelcome and experienced as microaggressions:

1) Asking someone why they have a particular religious affiliation (especially if it is a minority religion).

2) Asking someone medical questions about their body. 

3) Asking someone why they have children, don’t have children, or have so many children (or whether their children were adopted/conceived naturally/conceived through IVF).

4) Asking someone about their accent or national origins

5) Asking someone questions about their hair (*especially* if you are white and they not)

6) Asking someone about their eating habits

7) Asking someone whether they’re gay 

8) Asking someone whether they’re trans, or asking personal questions about transition

9) Asking someone how much money they make

10) Asking someone to speak for their group without having been invited to do so (Eg: “So, what DOES the gay community think about lesbians marrying gay men?)

11) Asking someone if they’ve lost weight.

“Normal” people have to learn it’s not OK to ask these things. I get the stuff about kids and stuff about my weight all the time and it’s super uncomfortable. 

(via deducecanoe)

blackridinnhood:

So, I decided to check out Hybrid Vigor’s twitter when someone said they made a racist remark about Dear White People dominating the Indie Wire poll. What they say, which while not TOO bad, voices the very REASON why this film needs to be made.
In order for these filmmakers to say “don’t make it about race; think about the filmmaking,” shows just how LITTLE white people are aware of how racial minorities are treated. If you see on this person’s twitter, they have over 250,000 followers. If just all of their followers voted once, they’d have a huge advantage. However, DWP is dominating. As someone in the comment section pointed out, it’s their own fault. They have more support and yet can’t get these people to go vote? Not our fault.
But more so, this jackass assumes that we are voting for DWP because it’s about Black people and that’s it. They ignore the fact that many PoC feel the need for a film like this to exist. That it appeals to us BECAUSE there are no movies that tackles the racism and microaggressions that we face every day. That we ARE thinking of the filmmaking and we’re voting for the film that interests us the most. Because it’s doing something no one else is doing. That we NEED this film to be made.
This person ignores all of this just so we’ll vote for them. And it’s disgusting that the filmmakers of Hybrid Vigor will dismiss that people are ACTUALLY intrigued by this film in order to promote themselves. If anything, their ignorance is proof on why this film needs to be made.
Go support Dear White People and vote! We’re in the lead but we can’t let up!

blackridinnhood:

So, I decided to check out Hybrid Vigor’s twitter when someone said they made a racist remark about Dear White People dominating the Indie Wire poll. What they say, which while not TOO bad, voices the very REASON why this film needs to be made.

In order for these filmmakers to say “don’t make it about race; think about the filmmaking,” shows just how LITTLE white people are aware of how racial minorities are treated. If you see on this person’s twitter, they have over 250,000 followers. If just all of their followers voted once, they’d have a huge advantage. However, DWP is dominating. As someone in the comment section pointed out, it’s their own fault. They have more support and yet can’t get these people to go vote? Not our fault.

But more so, this jackass assumes that we are voting for DWP because it’s about Black people and that’s it. They ignore the fact that many PoC feel the need for a film like this to exist. That it appeals to us BECAUSE there are no movies that tackles the racism and microaggressions that we face every day. That we ARE thinking of the filmmaking and we’re voting for the film that interests us the most. Because it’s doing something no one else is doing. That we NEED this film to be made.

This person ignores all of this just so we’ll vote for them. And it’s disgusting that the filmmakers of Hybrid Vigor will dismiss that people are ACTUALLY intrigued by this film in order to promote themselves. If anything, their ignorance is proof on why this film needs to be made.

Go support Dear White People and vote! We’re in the lead but we can’t let up!

(via deliciouskaek)

microaggressions

the trials and travails of the white female tourist in brown countries

anedumacation:

readnfight:

lazybeautiful:

superdreaming:

microaggressions:

“Hey! White girl! I love you! You are beautiful!”

Shouted to me on the street 15+ times a day during my study abroad experience in Nicaragua. I never truly understood what it meant to feel objectified until this experience.

been reading a lot about racism/white anti-racists/cultural appropriation/how to not be a super shitty privileged person today and i’m not sure this microaggression is a good/right thing at all. like…this person may have glimpsed one kind of objectification through this experience but i don’t know about the whole idea of a “white girl” being “objectified” by people in Nicaragua during their study abroad (implies college/post-secondary education, some level of financial privilege) and the whole idea of “understanding” as a way of showing that white people can be oppressed too (i feel like the leap from “objectification” to “oppression” is a pretty small one here/one that can and will be read into it by other people as an example of how POC can be racist against white folks)? because just by the sheer fact said person was white and in a place where non-white people were catcalling them does not mean they were being oppressed? i don’t know, can someone smarter than me talk more about this, if they feel like tackling the issue? sometimes debating things with myself too long gets tricky because i’m not sure how to factcheck myself (googling “is this thing i think racist/oppressive” doesn’t work well at all) 

so glad I’m not the only one who had a problem with that microaggression. being praised for fitting into the western/Euro-centric beauty model is nothing compared to the struggles POC face for not fitting in this model in the US and other majority white countries. being told that you’re pretty is not oppression. yeah, it’s objectification, but it’s objectification based on the beauty ideals the west has exported around the world.

I wouldn’t call any of it oppression. if being called beautiful is the worst thing that happens to you when you’re abroad, then you’re lucky. when POC go abroad, from what I’ve heard, they face much, much worse. so this microaggression reeks of privilege and really isn’t on the same level of racial oppression compared to the other ones they post.

but if I’m wrong, feel free to correct me in terms of POC experiences abroad. 

Yes, thank y’all! I read that with mytongueisforked and both of us were giving that an OH HELL NO.

Yes, you could call that objectification, i.e. a woman’s body is being assumed to be public property/a commodity/open to commentary. But, is objectification on its own oppression? Linked with something larger, sure; like I’m not going to argue that white women aren’t oppressed on the basis of being women. But specifying race and location and “It was the first time this happened to me!” is way fishy, and undermines any chance this had of getting my sympathy.

My scattered thoughts on this:

  • If this woman had never before felt objectified, then great! but she’s really lucky to have never been made to feel that way, let alone to feel that way constantly like many female/trans* people do. My skepticism kicks in when someone is blurting out that they’ve never experienced something that is everyday for the people they’re speaking to.
  • Specifying that this happened in Nicaragua reinforces stereotypes about hypersexual latino men, that men of color lust after white women, etc. Had she never been somewhere back home that men could have said the same thing? I mean, I can picture dudes on my block saying that to a white woman; did she only encounter men of color by traveling to another country?
  • And with that, it reinforces the idea that men of color are a threat because of their lust for white women, that they are dangerous, and that, just as in this example, they will put white women in deviant and dangerous positions that white men never would, e.g. being objectified on the street. This shit is serious and lethal—generations of men of color were/are lynched for this threat.
  • “White girl, you are beautiful” is said EVERY FUCKING DAY. Did she never feel her skin color being fetishized when this same catcall was made by billboards and magazines and cosmetics and lynchings? If she ever overheard a white man telling a black friend, “You’re cute for a black girl,” would she feel equally objectified and offended?
  • I am a light-skinned black woman in a black & latino neighborhood. When men talk to me on the street, as happens fairly often, I feel the light tanness of my skin. I don’t appreciate the catcalls, but they are telling as to how my gender is raced and vice-versa. In this situation, I have to feel my skin color and how it is being weighed against that of other black women; white women don’t have to feel this.

Is that what is so offensive, attaching a name—WHITENESS—to white women’s genders and sexual objectification? That is all I can see that is out of the white supremacy ordinary. You don’t need a study abroad program for that; go take a walk around the block.

Thanks for this, readnfight. 

Every time a white friend tells me about the sexual harassment they receive while travelling in India, and they frame it as proof that they’re being objectified because of their white skin….

The thing is, they probably are, in many cases, because white skin is fetishized and prized above all else in Indian society, and well, in every society. And I’ve been there when men have made aggressive passes at my white friends, and I’ve actually had to help fight them off, and its nothing but terrible. 

But refusing to see the context, refusing to place this particular example of objectification in relation to the much worse treatment that Indian women receive everyday at the hands of men in their own homes and in public places… women who don’t have the protection of money and influence and a foreign passport and even a foreign embassy willing to help out if things turn really bad… that’s where I have to step off. 

Its the Oppression Olympics argument gone haywire. Some kinds of oppression are worse than others.

I don’t believe any American white woman that claims they never felt objectified until a MOC said something to them. I mean, I’m sure they tell themselves that, but I’ve seen white men in action from high school on & I have a whole lot of side eye for those claims.

(via anedumacationisnomore)

I had to take a late lunch today & in the interests of laziness, I took the bus back to work. When I first got on the bus there was a cheerful conversation going on between the few people that were riding. Nothing major, mostly the kind of idle chit chat that springs up when it’s an empty bus & everyone is outgoing. Most of the front half of the bus was empty & with the majority of the riders sitting in the middle. Any way, as we got closer to my stop an older white woman boarded. She walked past all the empty seats (probably some 20 or so) to a MOC who appeared to be Latino & Black and said, “I need this seat.” He looked at her sideways and said something along the lines of “Jim Crow is over lady” in a tone that was half joking, half not. She got upset and started ranting about his lack of respect. Meanwhile behind her there were still tons of empty seats that she didn’t even go near. I had to get off the bus so I missed the resolution though I suspect he just got off since he’d mentioned working near the river & that was only a couple of stops away. And yes, it is easy to blame her age or assume she had some kind of issues, but that doesn’t do much for the damage she did to his day. Or to anyone else’s really since the scene spoiled a pleasant moment that we were all sharing.

If I could just get white people to understand the harm from microaggressions…

gogv:

somewhitenonsense:

They think they’re doing so well, not lynching people or using slurs, but they keep throwing this constant barrage of little pinpricks until I am just worn OUT.  And then I have to play that “should I say something or will I look petty?” game.  Stop it white people.

this was my day today. just.

i was about ready to kill someone.

(via moniquill)

MSN

I know I’m not the only woman who has experienced the “Smile!” phenomenon. Mention such an incident to any woman on the planet and prepare for a stream of obscenity-laden anecdotes and suggestive hand gestures.

In the top ten of female peeves it’s right at the top. I’d rather hear a frat boy scream, “show me your t-ts” than have one more middle-aged nincompoop command I say cheese in precisely the same spirit of “fun” that a movie cowboy pulls out a gun and tells the town drunk to dance.

Is this the most annoying thing a man can do to a woman? -  Lifestyle - MSN CA (via greaterthanlapsed)

Agree. I hate when men tell me to smile as if I need to put on a mask for them so that they feel better about themselves.  If women look happy then apparently they are happy, everyone gets along, and the world is clearly ‘right’ again.  F—that. I smile plenty but certainly not to make others feel more comfortable.  That’s not my job. That’s not any woman’s. 

(via agradschoolbreakup)

THIS.  Ordering me to smile does not make me want to smile.  What it does is make me want to punch you in the nuts.  Repeatedly.  

(via lostinhistory)

Telling me to smile makes me want to tell the dude to fuck off and let out my inner bitch.

(via boehnertroll)

When you have Resting Bitchface, you hear “smile” quite often. I’ve taken to smiling maniacally like the Joker and crossing my eyes, which usually makes these assholes scurry off in fear.

(via squeetothegee)

The Smile! thing makes me want to kill people.

(via squeetothegee-deactivated201111)