oh my god, guys
I move in political circles that are nearly completely white. And these (white) people are perfectly content keeping it that way. They don’t notice, much less care, that their scene is homogeneous. They live in a white bubble where they don’t have to think about anything else. Fine, whatever.
But recent events have brought race to the forefront and everyone’s talking about problems facing racialized communities and now these people I know in real life are talking about race
and they’re like “once I was the only white person in the club and it was AWFUL, racism affects everyone” and “when I was in Japan kids called me a gaijin, what do you mean POC can’t be racist against white people” and “how will I learn if you don’t educate me” and I’m like
OH GOD SHUT UP SHUT UP JUST STOP TALKING.
like it’s great if there are other people willing to take the time and explain things like you’re five, but I am done with this, it’s fine if we’re not on the same page but we’re not even in the same BOOK because you’re reading The Help or some shit.
I am not going to hold hands and sing kumbaya if you can’t recognize that racism is systemic, white people run shit, and that one time someone said mean words is not on the same level as people bombing or murdering or jailing or deporting or experimenting on people who look like you for centuries. Major papers will never run op-eds or political cartoons suggesting that gun violence is a white problem, or that white people are taking over, or that misogyny is especially dangerous when white people do it.
When I say these things to the people I know in everyday life I sound like an irrational, angry, unforgiving bitch. I probably am. I don’t fucking care any more. I’m tired of compartmentalizing my life and overlooking how white certain spaces are. I’m tired of white feminism. I don’t want to be patient. What, you’re 30 and you just started learning about racism? Maybe it’s because you live in a goddamn bubble and you never cared enough to change that. I am tired of being patient.
My ex says, “You should give people the benefit of the doubt.” They’re probably right.
The difference between—like if I say these things here people will probably think I’m making sense. But other places, oh my god I have gone beyond the pale what’s wrong with me. The radical opposition of these two worlds is driving me insane. As in I’m actually questioning my sanity because I am having trouble distinguishing what is real and what is not. Maybe I just imagined things.
*grinds teeth down to powder*
Why am I alienating my friends? (Well, white friends, I guess; it remains to be seen what everyone else thinks of me. Maybe they think I overstepped my bounds, too.)
Why can’t I control myself?
Am I insane?
Should I just shut up and go away?