Esoterica's avatar

Esoterica

therumpus.net
When women tell how it is for them, when they self narrate their ordinary lives, it’s instantly sucked up by the culture—there’s already a place waiting for the story. A place where the story gets annulled. It’s 2012 and I’m still reading about what the girl or woman was wearing that night. Or how she should hold aspirin between her legs. Or how she shouldn’t say the word “vagina” on the floor of congress. Or how a friend at a bar wants the sob stories to end. What I’m trying to tell you is that violence against girls and women is in every move we make, whether it is big violence or small, explicit or hidden behind the word father. Priest. Lover. Teacher. Coach. Friend. I’m trying to explain how you can be a girl and a woman and travel through male violence like it’s part of what living a life means. Getting into or out of a car. A plane. Going through a door to your own home. A church. School. Pool. It can seem normal. It can seem like just the way things are.

The astonishing Lidia Yuknavitch, whom I love, on Explicit Violence - The Rumpus.net. Read the whole piece. Trigger warnings for rape, child abuse, violence, all the ordinary God-damned shit that too many women live with, either as memory or current reality or secret dread. (via mslorelei)

(via deducecanoe)

sonofbaldwin

sonofbaldwin:

R. Kelly peed on that little girl and raped her while demanding that she call him “daddy.” We all saw the video, but blamed the little girl for being “fast” as we Chicago-stepped to the latest R. Kelly record and blamed The Man for trying to ruin Kelly’s career.

(via masteradept)

bbalgangyi
gabsygabs:

aynrandinaminiskirt:

Korean poster which has been making it’s way around
Translation:
Protesting sexual harassment and violence against women
ETIQUETTE FOR MEN AT NIGHT
Remember that your presence can be threatening to women walking alone at night
If a woman is walking in front of you alone at night, slow down. You walking quickly or speeding up can be and in most cases is threatening
If you’ve been drinking and are drunk, go straight home.
Do not pick a fight or aggravate women walking at night
Do not take off your clothes or publicly urinate
Be careful to make sure you do not touch or hit someone, even on accident.
If, late at night, you come to a situation in which you and a woman have to ride an elevator together, let her go up first and wait for the elevator to come back down.
If there’s a woman in a public restroom (There are Korean public restrooms with no gender or sex markings that are open to all people), wait for her to finish and come out first before using the restroom.
Report broken streetlights to the police
Tell other men about these rules and that they have a responsibility to not threaten women walking at night

THIS! This needs to printed and put up frikkin’ everywhere.

gabsygabs:

aynrandinaminiskirt:

Korean poster which has been making it’s way around

Translation:

Protesting sexual harassment and violence against women

ETIQUETTE FOR MEN AT NIGHT

  1. Remember that your presence can be threatening to women walking alone at night
  2. If a woman is walking in front of you alone at night, slow down. You walking quickly or speeding up can be and in most cases is threatening
  3. If you’ve been drinking and are drunk, go straight home.
  4. Do not pick a fight or aggravate women walking at night
  5. Do not take off your clothes or publicly urinate
  6. Be careful to make sure you do not touch or hit someone, even on accident.
  7. If, late at night, you come to a situation in which you and a woman have to ride an elevator together, let her go up first and wait for the elevator to come back down.
  8. If there’s a woman in a public restroom (There are Korean public restrooms with no gender or sex markings that are open to all people), wait for her to finish and come out first before using the restroom.
  9. Report broken streetlights to the police
  10. Tell other men about these rules and that they have a responsibility to not threaten women walking at night

THIS! This needs to printed and put up frikkin’ everywhere.

(via deducecanoe)

stoya

Not-cool things to do, bro… Part 1

big-wired:

karnythia:

spastasmagoria:

stoya:

I can actually remember every time a person at a convention or trade show has touched me inappropriately. My first year at the Venus Fair in Berlin there was a man who shoved two of his fingers into my panty-covered vagina. It was really fast, like he was standing there one second and the next I was trying to figure out how the gusset of my underwear had ended up *in* my vulva. There was a man in Texas who rather violently squeezed my ass while we were taking a picture and then laughed at how I’d “squealed like a piglet”. Seriously. I’m kind of disappointed by how much of a stereotype he was. At AVN this year, a guy grabbed my forearm while I was walking from the elevators to Digital Playground’s booth. He let go when I punched him in the testicle area. There’s an average of three people per convention who try the more subtle approach of sliding their hand a *bit* too far down my back when I stand next to them for a photo. Every single one of them apologizes when I gently put their hand back where it belongs and ask them to remember that I am not a blow up doll. 

The above paragraph is absolutely nothing, NOTHING, compared to what it’s like to be a girl or woman walking around in public in broad daylight. With dirty hair up in a ponytail or bun, no makeup, and baggy clothing on. With headphones in, sitting in a coffee shop or on the subway with your nose in a book, or talking on the phone. 

Men have followed me down the street poking me in what one can only assume is an attempt to get my attention. Men have grabbed the cord to my headphones and ripped them out of my ears. Multiple times. Men have grabbed parts of my body, or my coat or purse strap. Twice, when I was transporting my Lyra (the three foot metal hoop/circus apparatus I do aerial work on) they have grabbed the hoop and refused to let go until I threatened to kick them. They’ve blocked me into corners on mostly empty subway cars, followed me for blocks and then stood outside whatever shop I duck into for absurd amounts of time. They stop their cars in the middle of the crosswalk to stare and yell things out of the window. Years ago, in Philadelphia, one man walked around my neighborhood asking people if they knew where this blue-haired white girl lived because he wanted to return her phone. Fortunately my neighbors were too smart for that trick.

They say I have a sweet ass, nice tits, a real pretty dress. They say I’m their future wife, or I’d look good with their dick in my mouth. They try (and probably succeed at times) to take pictures down my shirt. They ask if they can get my number, they ask where I live, why I’m not smiling, why my boyfriend lets me walk around by myself. Then they ask why I’m such a bitch, if my pussy is made of ice. They say that they never do this, as though I’ve somehow driven them to inappropriate behavior and deserve it. They say they’re just having fun, trying to pay me a compliment. Pretty frequently they get mean, slipping into a loud tourettes-like chant of bitch-whore-cunt-slut.

Before you try to tell me that it’s because I take my clothes off for a living, let me tell you that this started way before I was 18. Let me tell you that every single woman I know has at least one truly terrifying story of street harassment and a whole bunch of other stories that are merely insulting or annoying. Let me remind you that in a room of pornography fans, who have actually seen me with a dick in my mouth and who can buy a replica of my vagina in a can or box, I am treated with far more respect than I am walking down the street.

It’s just fun and games, u guise. They don’t mean anything by it. Why’re you being so uptight? :/

Tell me again about street harassment & how rare it is. Tell me how these incidents are isolated. Or read the dozens of posts like this one that I see damned near daily & get that this happens often & it is a problem.

God damn, there’s a fucklot wrong with our society for this kind of stuff to be common place.

I was volunteering at the Calgary Expo this past year and on the second night, me and some friends from Edmonton went out to eat. This included a lady from the Middle East who was an artist at the convention with her own table.

So after supper was eaten and alcohol was drank, we all went back to our hotels, and the artist and I came across an attendee of the convention. Dude was a touch loud and enthusiastic, but was otherwise okay.

I bet you can imagine where THIS is going. >_<

On the train, I was listening to some music so I didn’t notice at first that as soon as he discovered the artist had her own table, he sat his butt down by her, squeezing into her personal space as she was reading on her phone and listening to music with big headphones on.

I glanced over and saw him slap her on the shoulder to get her attention, and she glanced up at him and then at me, and then I ran interference as she told him that I was a volunteer.

I kept him busy the rest of that train ride and then escorted the artist off the train when we hit out stop. I SHOULD have laid into him, but at least I kept him off of her.

The fact remains was that he was deeply disrespectful of her, her personal space, and dismissive of her rather open body language that she did not want to talk with him. She should not have had to foist him off on me, but that simply saying “No, I’m tired and I want to read” or just “No, leave me alone” should have been enough.

That’s ultimately what male privilege is, that women owe you their time no matter what they’re doing, and if they don’t give it, then something’s wrong with them.

michelle-my-belle

How To Not Be So Sensitive When People Say Offensive Things

michelle-my-belle:

One of the things that has been talked about is “Can you make rape jokes?” Any decent person who has known someone who has been sexual assaulted  or is disturbed by the concept of sexual violence finds this to be rhetorical and pointless. Of course you can’t and shouldn’t joke about some so horrid and torturous as rape. However, some will argue about free speech and they will still tell these jokes.

To some privileged people, the modern definition of free speech is “I can say what I want and you can’t be offended by it.” Having our right to do and say anything we want doesn’t extend to the end of our noses. You can’t just do what you please without consequences or upsetting someone.

So, what do you say to those people who want “free speech” at all costs? Go right ahead. Say what you want. Make the crudest jokes about the worst things in life. However, you have to remember this: EVERYTHING WE SAY CARRIES WEIGHT. Think about how great you feel when someone compliments you. Also, think about how bad you feel when someone insults you. People can be easily  built up or broken down with a few words.

I’m sure they will automatically say “But, people shouldn’t be so sensitive!” Maybe.  If that’s true, then why are you so upset by others being so upset? If words have no effect, then you shouldn’t care that people are offended. You shouldn’t have to make a fake apology via Twitter or your publicist. You shouldn’t have to call upon your celebrity friends to defend you if words aren’t a big deal.

Basically, say all of the raunchy, crude, and offensive things you want. In return, don’t be so sensitive when people say they don’t like it. You still believe in free speech, right?

(via moniquill)

therumpus.net
When women tell how it is for them, when they self narrate their ordinary lives, it’s instantly sucked up by the culture—there’s already a place waiting for the story. A place where the story gets annulled. It’s 2012 and I’m still reading about what the girl or woman was wearing that night. Or how she should hold aspirin between her legs. Or how she shouldn’t say the word “vagina” on the floor of congress. Or how a friend at a bar wants the sob stories to end. What I’m trying to tell you is that violence against girls and women is in every move we make, whether it is big violence or small, explicit or hidden behind the word father. Priest. Lover. Teacher. Coach. Friend. I’m trying to explain how you can be a girl and a woman and travel through male violence like it’s part of what living a life means. Getting into or out of a car. A plane. Going through a door to your own home. A church. School. Pool. It can seem normal. It can seem like just the way things are.

The astonishing Lidia Yuknavitch, whom I love, on Explicit Violence - The Rumpus.net. Read the whole piece. Trigger warnings for rape, child abuse, violence, all the ordinary God-damned shit that too many women live with, either as memory or current reality or secret dread. (via mslorelei)

(via mslorelei)

I was shocked to see parts of the very Left which regularly slams patriarchy, and condemns sexism and misogyny, unconditionally defending a man who has been accused of rape. I was shocked seeing parts of the Left defending a man who had unprotected sex with a woman who had specifically not consented to having unprotected sex. A man who initiated sex with a woman who was asleep. A man who admits these things, and does not call them rape! And this Left was not even mentioning the word rape – as if it’s not important, as if the wrongs and rights of this man canceled each other out.

I was shocked to see this Left coming up with every excuse in the book for this man. That sometimes people admit to things they haven’t actually done, that the women were CIA agents, that one of them even had the audacity to look happy and throw a party in the days after allegedly being sexually assaulted.

As a woman, this sent me a clear message: if you happen to be sexually assaulted by a man who has done good political things, you better not speak up. Because you will be silenced. You will be called a liar, and people will support the man, because powerful men can get away with these things.

When the Left apologises for Assange (via commiebabe)

(via womanistgamergirl)

lettersfromtributes
masteradept:

katnissisoliveskinneddealwithit:

denzelishaymitch:

lettersfromtributes:

[[Dear Finnick,
If you ever doubt my love, remember all of your Capitol lovers, and how I knew about them but still kissed you everytime you came home.Forever yours, Annie]]

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS FANDOM
YOU DO REALIZE THAT FINNICK WAS PROSTITUTED AGAINST HIS WILL AND THAT HIS “LOVERS” WERE ACTUALLY CLIENTS WHO REAPED GROSS BENEFITS FROM HIS SEXUAL SUBJUGATION
YOU DO REALIZE THAT ANNIE, BEING A VICTOR HERSELF AND MOREOVER FINNICK’S PARTNER, KNEW THIS AND PROBABLY UNDERSTOOD THAT IT WAS ABUSE AND NOT PLAYBOY SHENANIGANS BECAUSE LET ME REMIND YOU AGAIN, FINNICK WAS PROSTITUTED AGAINST HIS WILL
YOU DO REALIZE THAT FINNICK MARRIED ANNIE WHEN HE ESCAPED THE CAPITOL AND WAS AT LIBERTY TO DO SO
WHAT
IS
WRONG
WITH THIS FUCKING FANDOM

Reblogging because this fandom obviously missed the part where Finnick confesses on live television that he is a sex slave. 



Perfect commentary

masteradept:

katnissisoliveskinneddealwithit:

denzelishaymitch:

lettersfromtributes:

[[Dear Finnick,

If you ever doubt my love, remember all of your Capitol lovers, and how I knew about them but still kissed you everytime you came home.

Forever yours,
Annie]]

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS FANDOM

YOU DO REALIZE THAT FINNICK WAS PROSTITUTED AGAINST HIS WILL AND THAT HIS “LOVERS” WERE ACTUALLY CLIENTS WHO REAPED GROSS BENEFITS FROM HIS SEXUAL SUBJUGATION

YOU DO REALIZE THAT ANNIE, BEING A VICTOR HERSELF AND MOREOVER FINNICK’S PARTNER, KNEW THIS AND PROBABLY UNDERSTOOD THAT IT WAS ABUSE AND NOT PLAYBOY SHENANIGANS BECAUSE LET ME REMIND YOU AGAIN, FINNICK WAS PROSTITUTED AGAINST HIS WILL

YOU DO REALIZE THAT FINNICK MARRIED ANNIE WHEN HE ESCAPED THE CAPITOL AND WAS AT LIBERTY TO DO SO

WHAT

IS

WRONG

WITH THIS FUCKING FANDOM

Reblogging because this fandom obviously missed the part where Finnick confesses on live television that he is a sex slave. 

Perfect commentary

lemuffinmistress

[TW details of rape, rape culture—very strong TW] Reddit Post from a serial rapist who admits to having “raped several girls through use of coercion, alcohol, and other tactics over a course of 3 years”

madamethursday:

LEAVING SOME TRIGGER WARNING SPACE FOR THOSE WHO MAY NEED TO SCROLL PAST REALLY FAST. 

MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING HERE!

|

|

|

|

|

turnofftherain:

stfurapeculture:

lemuffinmistress:

I’m posting this because this is a guy admitting to doing all of the things that we recognize as part of rape culture. He admits to having been a serial rapist during his college years, and using alcohol and his physical strength to overpower women.

He also says he took advantage of the fact that most girls thought he was a good guy, and thought he would stop if they just acted uncomfortable enough. He *knew* this, and took advantage of it to rape them.

Here’s his post:

This is probably not going to surface to the top being as I’m coming to this thread late in the game, but I am a young post-colleged age male who raped several girls through use of coercion, alcohol, and other tactics over a course of 3 years.

First off, I must say, I was at a strange place in my life. I’m ashamed of the person I was, if the people who I’m close to know knew who I was, I would be ruined. I’m known for being a great guy, friendly and easy to get along with, a community activist, a fervent volunteer in the community, and a person who rises through the ranks quickly due to successes at work. That was my mask, and I was good at it, so good that maybe I convinced myself along the line that was who I could really be, and that may of helped me change, and stop doing what I did.

I’m somewhat remorseful for what I did to those girls, but I don’t think I could ever face them to apologize. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I had this certain insatiable thirst that brought me to do what I did. I didn’t know how to stop, and just when I thought maybe I could, I’d find myself back in my pattern, back on the hunt.

I’m a good looking guy, and I can get girls pretty easily. I’m currently married to a beautiful woman that I met during this time of my life (not someone I raped, but someone who knew my mask during this time). So, anyways, after a while it became boring to go after the sluts and sorority girls that would easily throw their cunt after you. I wanted the thrill of the chase, and that’s what led me to forcing myself on girls. I would find attractive girls that were self-conscious about their looks. Girls who were pretty in their own unique way, but not the outgoing sort, mostly introverts, and girls that didn’t party or do wild things. Hopefully a girl who was a bit damaged, had a shitty ex-boyfriend, or family issues, came from a small shut in town, that sort of thing. So, when I showed interest in them they’d be completely enamored, they’d almost be shocked that a popular, good-looking, and well liked guy would be talking to them. I’d have that initial meeting at the library, a coffeeshop, a work function, or a party where I had them convinced of what a great guy I was. I listened to them, and made them feel special, like they were a princess. Sometimes we might sort of hook-up that night (kissing, making-out, never anything more). The next day I’d call, and see when they wanted to get together again. I’d feign some excuse for not going out somewhere, but having them come over late in the night. It was college, and not a lot of people had transportation off campus, so it was typical for people to come over and watch a movie or something on a date.

They would come over, and I’d always make sure it was real cold in the room, cold enough so that when we started watching the movie I’d say something about being chilly, and grab a big fleece blanket for the both of us. We’d get kind of close, and then maybe ignore the movie for some kissing. After a while, we’d talk some more, and I’d start edging my hands around the under strap of the bra, or maybe a bit into her pants, just kind of playing on the edge to gauge her response. Some girls would stiffen up a little, and that’s when you knew they didn’t like what was going on. We were in my studio apartment, so the bed served as the couch, and it was easy to start sliding down throughout the movie so we’d be laying down. It was then that I could turn around and get on top of her. The girls usually didn’t know how to respond. Some of them were into it, and those nights were usually consensual and boring sex, sometimes followed up by a few more nightly visits before getting the boot. However, the great nights were the ones who squirmed, ones who didn’t want to give in. I‘d have to shush them down, and try to work on them slowly enough so they didn’t know what was going on until it was pretty much already happening. I’m a muscular guy, over 6’ around 200 lbs. and most of these girls may have been 125-130, really tiny and easy to pin down. To be honest, even remembering it now, the squirming always made it better, they didn’t want it to happen, but they couldn’t do anything about it. Most girls don’t say no either. They think you’re a good guy, and should pick up on the hints, they don’t want to have to say “no” and admit to themselves what’s happening.

Alcohol helped. Having a few drinks during the movie, or doing a few jello shots that were “prepared for a party that weekend” would usually do the trick.

The aftermath was always different. Some girls left after about 15 minutes after. Some girls would stay until the morning and then leave. A few tried to call back, maybe blaming themselves for what happened or something. I never worried too much about being caught. Everyone knew me, and I worked with the police a lot, with administrators, and campus officials. I was on first name basis with the Chancellor and the President of Student Affairs, so if anything came down to a he/she-said I figured I’d be in the clear. Having her come over to my place also made it seem less predatory, as she came into my domain, and “could leave at any time”.

I guess that’s about it… If you have any questions about my life now or then, ask away.

Fucking disgusting.

I’m also really grossed out that he said he’s “somewhat remorseful for what he did”.  Just somewhat.

Also he’s married now to a woman who doesn’t know about his rape-y past.

Original post found here.

EDIT: FUCK THIS ASSHOLE TO THE FIERY DEPTHS OF HELL

I’m still a shitbag, but I’m also still married. Probably for the better, to be honest if I hadn’t met my wife, I don’t know if I would have evolved, and made the change in my life to stop when I did.

It’s not a woman’s job to provide the catalysis for your fucking evolution.

This made me sick. And the comments. The fucking comments. Giving a serial rapist cookies because he ‘honestly’ (and anonymously where it can’t hurt him at all) talks about being a rapist and he claims to have reformed? 

I hope his wife is safe. I don’t trust him to know what real consent looks like, or to seek it out from someone he’s married to.

I just…it pretty took all I had to read through this because I…I don’t have a lot of words. I have a lot of anger, and a heaping load of disgust and a really sick feeling in my stomach that I don’t think is going to go away for a long while.

The thing is? This guy is still a shitbag rapist predator and he’s a liar and a sociopath. This entire thing is so much bragging and posturing and posing to get off on revisiting how he VIOLATED AND RAPED women.

This man is a bad man. He’s not even “somewhat” remorseful. He’s not even 1% remorseful. He knows he has to say that or else too many people will get too angry, and even the rape apologists won’t have a lot of room to defend him. So that’s what he does. He admits to being remorseful.

Oh, and note how he uses the phrase “sluts and sorority girls who throw their cunts after you”. Yeah. See, his mask slipped for a moment and he let us see what he really thinks about women. Sluts. Cunts. Ways to satisfy himself and feel better about being a pathetic loser. 

Because it’s not really about sex with this asshole. It’s about feeling better, it’s about using women for whatever need he has. He needs to feel powerful, he tricks, lies to, and rapes a woman. He needs to have a nice guy mask, he finds a wife. Women are objects to him. Make no mistake. 

I fear for his wife and any daughters he may have and any women around him in general. I fear for the women who are his co-workers, I fear for the women who may find themselves at the same store or on a train or bus or parking lot as him. I fear for any friends who are women, any friends-of-friends who are women who might have the bad luck of being a Christmas or New Years party with this evil pathetic loser. 

He’s not too afraid to face his victims. He’s too afraid of losing his nice guy mask, as he puts it. He’s afraid of being unable to fall back on being a rapist when he gets bored or tired or just wants to feel powerful. He hasn’t changed a fucking bit. He’s afraid of getting named. Because that nice guy mask is still there for him. He’s safe and anonymous. His cozy little world, his sense of safety can’t get ripped away. 

He will rape again. It’s not if, it’s when. This is what a serial fucking rapist looks like.  He’s a nice, clean cut, college educated white man with a nice guy face. And he’s thinking all the while about the women around him and what use he has for them as objects - as cunts and sluts and whatever else he wants. 

You know, this is why sometimes I just want to start taking a sledgehammer to some people’s faces.

This is why any time anybody wants to impugn the right of any woman anywhere to fucking say “no”, to dismiss men’s attention from verbal harassment to out and out and assault, to get angry when men don’t BACK THE FUCK OFF when told no, both verbally and with unmistakeable cues, I get fucking outraged and I say something. 

Because it’s that kind of impugning that lets this evil motherfucker operate. 

Go die, rapist scum. I hope you get exposed. I hope someone manages to find you out, posts your name and your history and everything else all over everywhere, gets you fired, costs you your marriage, and then gets you put out on the street with the trash where you belong so that you can crawl into a hole in the sewer and die, you piece of shit. You deserve nothing but bad things for the rest of your life. 

shortformblog
The problem is it’s like when you give something to a child. They’re always going to figure out how they can get away with a little more.

South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley • In a written statement, explaining her reasoning for slashing the budget of the state’s rape crisis center budget. Crisis centers only help a small portion of residents, and distract from the state health department’s goal of providing treatment to all residents of South Carolina according to Governor Haley. ”Being raped is traumatic enough, but having to navigate that system, going to court by yourself, going to the hospital for a really intrusive and painful exam by yourself is horrific,” counters South Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault executive director Pam Jacobs, adding, ”Unfortunately, that’s the solution rape victims may be in if this veto is not overridden.”   source (viafollow)

Jesus. Internalized misogyny like whoa. Haley also called this provision a “distraction” from “more important issues.” I cannot even with that level of woman-hating.

(via stfuconservatives)

……..so… is she saying that rape victims are like greedy self-centered children or something? What is it that she thinks they’re ‘getting away with’?

(via bubonickitten)

(via madamethursday)